The Turning Point

I came back from Mexico in November 2016 with a strong, passionate fire burning inside of me. My little taste of dancehall training I had while I was there left an unquenchable thirst that only resembled that of Tantalus in Greek mythology. 

I began working hard once again to try to make my dance career a reality. I returned back to my small town, got a part time job, picked my Worldanz classes back up, and began researching ways I could go and train with the professionals to improve my skills. There was part of me, I'm not going to lie, that fell back into my old routine of grinding, which came out of pure necessity. I wanted to keep up with my aerial training, and get this new training I so desired, but I was confronted once again with the reality that I needed to make money, not only to live, but to make any of this happen. I can't say that I wasn't discouraged by this after all of the work I had put in previously to get past this point. I began to wonder again if this was something I really wanted to do. If I was making the right decision to pursue this path or was it even going to be possible even if I did pursue it. 

 I sat with this uncertainty for a good amount of time until I reached a VERY clear turning point.

A couple years before I left for Mexico, I had taken a Dancehall workshop with an LA based choreographer and dancer named Laure Courtellemont, and began following her work soon after. It was right when my interest in Dancehall was beginning to spark, so a lot of what she was teaching went completely over my head. Not only was the room packed with 50+ people who all wanted her to notice them, the choreography was so quick and intricate, I felt like I could barely hold on. The one thing that stuck with me was her complete and utter passion that she put behind everything she was doing. Although she was definitely famous at this point, she seemed to notice everyone in the room, feel what they were feeling and communicate with them through movement. She had a gift. She ended the workshop explaining in detail some of the cultural aspects behind dancehall, her journey, and what it meant to her. The one thing she emphasized was that she wanted people to leave actually not feeling that they got it, but feeling like they needed to learn more, research, and pursue it if they were going to dance it. 

THIS workshop a few years ago was not my turning point, but it did stick with me in a way I couldn't explain. 

Her words and movement caused me to have a very deep admiration for her and the work she was creating. I began looking at it more closely especially when I was in Mexico with my newly found free time. While I was there, I found she was going to be teaching again in the Bay Area a month after I got back. I signed up for every single class, every single day. 

When I was home in San Diego, I found myself talking to my sister about it, because I was so nervous and excited. She advised to be walk right up to her that first workshop, introduce myself, and basically spout the same script I just typed 2 paragraphs above. I told myself I would, even though deep down there was part of me that felt like there was no way in hell I was going to do that because I was way too anxious and shy. In my head, this woman was basically a celebrity, so the thought of having a real life conversation with her was still so unreal for me. I was worried about even making it through her choreography let alone actually speaking to her. 

Sure enough, the workshops came up with frightening speed. 

The first one was Friday night in Sacramento...and I missed it. I left my house in Santa Cruz at 3 PM to get there at 7PM, but hit the worst traffic of my life, so I wasn't able to get there until right before the second one started. Already I could see her intimidating crowd of admirers, and a packed room of extremely talented and gifted dancers. I took the first workshop in the back row, hung around for a little after trying to get the nerves to talk with her, and left.

The second set of workshops were on Saturday in Oakland. Instead of coming back to Santa Cruz, I decided to spend the night at my friend's house in San Jose to shorten my commute the next day. The next morning I woke up with a new found fervor, and drove up sure that this day was going to be different. It was, but not in the way that I wanted it to be. It seemed as if there were even more people than the previous night, and somehow THESE people had even more talent and were more on point than the dancers the day before. She even pointed out one of the dancers there and asked her to come train with her in LA in front of everyone. I was so jealous. I wanted that to be ME! I was an insect lost in a sea of beautiful birds. I tried to stick around and talk to her, but I just couldn't. I felt discouraged and disappointed in myself for not being better and not even the courage to go up and speak to her. I confided in my friend at dinner later that night about everything, and later that night had a dream about it. In the dream I did exactly what I meant to do and looked exactly how I wanted. 

I woke up for the third set of workshops the next morning disappointed that the dream I had the night before wasn't real. I said bye to my friend and drove up with haste to a small town right above San Francisco where the final day of classes were taking place. The moment I walked in, everything seemed different. First of all, there weren't as many people, and second of all, everyone seemed to be a beginner. I wasn't relieved, but just a little confused. Laure immediately assessed the crowd, and explained she was going to teach a basic routine so everyone could get it. Just when I thought things were not going to go my way, and I was going to disappoint myself once again, something shifted. All of a sudden, I could feel my body move the way it wanted to in comfort and with ease. I could feel the music shape me, and through all that hazy mist, I saw her standing on the outside with a smile so wide that only perfect seemed to compliment her... shouting...? What was happening? I knew we were performing the routine so she could watch us, but was that me she was shouting and pointing at? I kept looking behind me because I was sure it wasn't, but there wasn't anyone there. 

It turns out, it was me she was shouting and pointing at, and surprisingly NOT because I was messing it up. It was because I was dancing the way she wanted it to be danced. She called me out in front of everyone and had me perform it with her, RIGHT next to her. I didn't fully recognize what was happening until I had everyone in the room starting at me and had her right next to me dancing. Right then I froze in time, and knew this wasn't just any passing moment that you forget 2 years down the road; this was definitely something I was going to remember. 

When the class finished, I finally had the courage to go up and talk to her. I had an energy flowing through me that I couldn't explain. I wanted to ask her so many questions. The first one being, "why did you pick me?", but I concluded that, that, would definitely not have been the right choice of words. So, I just walked up and told her thank you. She hugged me, and told me the fire she saw in me today, was something that she rarely sees in anyone, even the professionals she trains. She told me I had something special and I needed to pursue it, leave my life in the Bay, and train with her in LA. She could help perfect my technique, because the fire I already had.

 THAT was my turning point.

The woman I has so admired, looked up to, followed, had noticed me, not just superficially acknowledging talent, but truly saw the intense, burning passion I had for dance. My dream literally came true. As I cried my way home calling everyone I knew recounting what just happened, I couldn't help but feel like I had just had some sort of spiritual awakening. Like the universe just interjected in a very real way and pointed me straight on the path I was already on and considered steering a way from. It happened. I WAS SO GRATEFUL.

Nothing was hazy now. I knew I need to keep learning Dancehall, and do whatever it took to make that happen.