Crossing the Border

Before I left for Mexico, I couldn't quite remember what it was like to have "free" time on my hands. In the last 26 years, the most time I had gotten off from work or school was the summers from ages 0-14. Even then, I was usually whisked away to summer camp or at rehearsals all day while my mom was at work. When I got to high school, my free time was either filled with a load of homework that could take over my whole, desk, room, and floor, my part time job at Cold Stone Creamery, or both. After college, the only component that was taken away from that equation was my part time job, that was eventually replaced by full time work. My early mid and late 20s, as described in my last post, was filled with my grown up job in during the day, and my dance training at night and on the weekends. Needless to say, I had no idea what it was like to have chunks of my day completely free, and I sure as hell had no idea what it was like to just be at home by myself.

So, it's definitely safe to say that I had some pretty severe moments of personal growth during my months in this new place.........

The  plan I had when I decided to move to Guadalajara, Mexico with my friend to train full time was as follows: Move to Mexico without knowing anything about the city I was going to, hope and pray that my coach, Juan actually has a place for us to rent, and wasn't joking, and train 4 hours a day.   That was all I knew before I stepped on the Vivo Aerobus plane going from Tijuana to Guadalajara. 

To say the first leg of the journey was "shaky" is a severe understatement. My friend and I had planned to do the entire leg of the journey from Santa Cruz to Guadalajara together. When she called me from a two day long traffic jam coming out of Burning Man, 2016, saying she probably wasn't going to make it in time for our road trip down to San Diego, and definitely wasn't going to make it for our flight out of Tijuana, I couldn't say the word fuck enough times to get me through the anxiety attack that was about to ensue. I had definitely traveled by myself before this, but never with this much uncertainty of exactly I was getting myself into. 

To everyone's surprise, I made it through all legs of the journey safe and sound. Crossing the border to Tijuana by myself was not as scary as I thought, the janky $50 round trip airline I chose to take there got me there safely, and Juan, my coach kept his word and met me at the airport. My friend was also able to get a flight down two days later, so it all worked out. 

Juan let us rent out an old photography studio owned by his parents that was turned into an apartment for $200 per month. Our bedrooms were only separated by a plate of glass, but we got our own kitchen, bathroom, and a giant patio. To add to this, we lived right in the center of the best part of the city ( the barrio with all of the clubs and bars). 

We had two options for transportation: the bus that cost 30 cents or an Uber that cost $2.00. An Uber was obviously more convenient, but the two of us took pride in figuring out public transportation. We ended up figuring it out, but not without learning that you could in fact get stranded at a Mexican Walmart with hands full of groceries, that bus rides were more like roller coasters where you weren't really sure if you were going to survive, and that bus drivers never really made a full stop, but more of a rolling stride to let you get out. This was one of the many quirks that came with learning a new city. 

Our days were structured the same for the most part. We would wake up by 8 AM, be on the bus by 9:30, be at the gym by 10 AM and train like beasts until 2 PM. Our journey home was a silent, bumpy ride of dehydration and exhaustion followed by eating as many calories as we could to make up for what we had lost.

Because our mornings had structure, I could easily factor that into the reality I had experienced before. Afternoons and weekends( where we didn't have an excursion) were harder for me to grasp. My friend handled not having structure a lot better than me, and couldn't quite understand my restlessness with my newly found free time. I would find myself going to the grocery store to buy couple items at abnormal times, awkwardly wandering around random places in the city, and making the same 10 feet trip from our living room to the kitchen 10 + times a day. It took my a few weeks to realize that what I really needed to do was dance. Full time aerial training was great and exactly what I wanted to do, but it couldn't fill that spiritual void inside me. 

I ended up finding a few different dance studios where I could go and train in the evenings and on weekends. While I missed the cultural dances I was able to do in the Bay Area, the city strongly lacked these disciplines, so I found myself dropping in to hip hop classes to take advantage of what was available. While it was great just to get my body moving in that way again, I found myself desiring something more specific. 

Before I left for Mexico, I had developed a strong love of Dancehall music and dance. While there were no Dancehall teachers in my small town in California, I had started following teachers in other cities to get inspiration, and motivate myself enough to go train with them some day. To my surprise, with enough searching in this new, big place, I was able to find a class in a studio all the way on the other side of the city. I found myself going every week without hesitation, and with this new dedication to this dance style I had so longed to pursue, my empty space of time I had worried so much about filling, began to shrink. 

As committed as I was to my aerial training, I became equally committed to learning Dancehall. I'd come home from training and instead of taking a nap, I'd look on YouTube or Instagram to watch and learn different choreographies. I started following every dancer I could, and figure out where exactly in the world they would so I could go train with them someday. 

Weirdly enough, the end of my journey in Mexico seemed to take on a different form than I originally intended.  When I got to Guadalajara, I had an idea that when I left, I'd pursue a career in aerial and circus, have dance on the side, and have that be my path. When I left, however, I felt a reaffirmed attachment to dance, grateful for the fact that I gotten so much stronger, but 100% committed to the love of a new dance form I had gotten the space to explore. While part of me was confused about this dramatic shift in such a short period of time, I realized deep down, it was bound to happen. I came there to get a break from the unfulfilling grind I was experiencing in my small town, and to see how much I could discipline myself physically without the conflict of a 9-5 day job that took all my best-used energy. What I really needed more than the physical training, was the space to explore the possibilities of my potential as an artist. And I found it.